What does it mean to be demisexual, and how common is demisexuality in the general population?

What does it mean to be demisexual?

Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person experiences sexual attraction only after forming a strong emotional bond with someone [1][2][9][15][17][20][23][27][28][33]. It is not that the person chooses to wait or is just “picky”—sexual attraction simply doesn’t exist until that deep connection is established [6][8]. The orientation often focuses on emotional closeness rather than immediate physical or sexual appeal [30].

Demisexuality sits on the asexual spectrum (sometimes called the ace spectrum) because demisexual people typically feel sexual attraction rarely or only under specific conditions [3][7][19][22][29]. Many demisexuals feel asexual most of the time, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity [12][18][21][34]. Only after a close emotional tie develops might attraction emerge, and even then it is not guaranteed—a demisexual person may never develop sexual feelings for a partner, or might feel attraction for someone else [35].

Importantly, demisexuality is about how attraction forms, not who a person is attracted to. A demisexual can be straight, gay, bi/pan, or have any romantic orientation [4][5][32]. The label describes the conditions under which attraction occurs, not the gender of the person they’re drawn to.

Common myths

• It’s not a conscious choice like abstinence or celibacy; demisexuality is an innate pattern, not a behavior [6][8].
• Being demisexual does not mean you can’t have sex or that you will never experience attraction; it means attraction only forms after a deep bond [6][20].
• A demisexual person can be attracted to any gender—the orientation is not limited to one sexuality [32].
• Even with a close emotional connection, attraction is never automatic or guaranteed [35].

How common is demisexuality?

Precise numbers for the general population are hard to pin down. Most large-scale studies ask only about “asexual” identity, without breaking down specific ace-spectrum identities like demisexuality, so the exact prevalence is unknown [24]. However, a few figures offer a rough picture:

• One report citing recent studies suggests that about 1.5% of the global population identifies as demisexual [16].
• Other estimates put the general-population prevalence somewhere between 0.5% and 3% [11].
• A more conservative calculation, based on asexuality being roughly 1% of the population, proposes that demisexuals likely account for less than 0.1% of people [14].
• Because these estimates rely on different methods and often small or non‑representative samples, the true figure remains uncertain [24].

Within asexual‑spectrum communities, the proportion of demisexuals is noticeably higher. In surveys, 8.6% to 9.5% of ace‑spectrum respondents identified as demisexual [10][13], and a 2023 study of LGBTQ teens on the asexual spectrum found that one in eight (about 12.5%) identified as demisexual [26]. Smaller, early online polls sometimes found even higher percentages (e.g., 42% in a 2014 forum poll), but these are not representative of the general population [31].

So, while the exact number is elusive, demisexuality appears to be a minority orientation in the general population, possibly in the range of less than 1% to a few percent, with some estimates as low as 0.1% [11][14][16]. The wide range reflects the ongoing need for better, more specific research [24].